Categories
growth health and wellbeing self esteem, personal development, motivation, acceptance

People pleasing. How learning to say “no” helped me to reduce stress and to grow more as a person.

Hello there you!

Oh I could write so much about this topic.

You see, the thing is, I was a big people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 5 years ago: I cringe to the point where my face resembles a tomato (now that’s red)

The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem was definitely a contributing factor to my people pleasing tendencies, therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?

Overcoming people pleasing

So how did I learn to say no more, am I now the master of saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time, it’s all about finding that balance and what suits “you”. But if I listen to my gut and know it doesn’t feel right, then I will say no in a diplomatic manner.

Saying no

At the start of finally plucking up the courage of saying no; I would wait for this dragon to turn around and blow that God damn fire straight into my face after I uttered those words (it never happens by the way). All you get is something like “ok that’s fine” then conversation continues to next topic. All that worrying, stress and overthinking for nothing. It doesn’t have to be as abrupt as no full stop, but something along the lines of “it doesn’t suit me this time”.

You see, the thing with me was “fear” of an awful argument happening (I also hate confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside: the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy.

I remember a time where I was utterly exhausted (with working full-time and studying for a degree part time too) arranged to drive an hour after work to meet a friend to watch a show she was in, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Oh I went to that show and looking back, this lovely, lovely friend would have been ok If I said no (it was all down to my fear again of that dragon appearing)

The one person who needs your approval most is “yourself”. Start building on that relationship

-connectwithpoetry.com

Learning to say no

So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt? Start to work on yourself first, listen to your gut and baby steps.

Meditate, practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self ( whatever mindful practice helps you) I’ve been doing so much of this and that awareness helps you to tap into your “true” inner self.

Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it, the easier it gets over time and the less stressed you will become.

When I look back on a time when I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it, and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you; seeking approval.

Remember to look out for “you” first

People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is like second nature (not second nature to me and what about you?)

Write a list from high priority to low and if it doesn’t suit, then say so. Remember to work with yourself through mindful practices, breathing exercises, writing your thoughts, whatever suits you.

Deep breaths are a great tool too. Take a step back and focus on how you are feeling.

The more you work on yourself, learning to say no and not pleasing others all the time will become easier. It’s all about finding that “balance”. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I’m working with those bloody scales every day. Growing, learning, self awareness and building myself to find that right balance.

You never stop learning/progressing/growing. Take your time.

Do you find it hard to say no? And do you feel you are pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?

Thank you for stopping by and reading my post!

It really is ok to say no. Be kind to yourself, and take your time ❤

Categories
motivation personal development wellbeing

So, 6 months blogging and grateful for this wonderful community…

Hello you!

So I’m blogging 6 months now and have to say I’m so grateful ( wish I did it sooner, but hey ho here I am blogging)

Now, when I started out blogging, I was posting poetry I had saved from months earlier, would hit submit and off I went on my merry way. I never commented or visited other blogs (took me a while to thaw out really; confidence issues with my writing skills obviously). Then the comments started. I slowly started to get more confident, replying with a word or 2 ( now it’s all about crawling before walking isn’t it?) and then proper commenting on other blogs.

Do you know something? It’s been brilliant. Nobody is going to tear you apart with comments (unless you’re into heated debates) and the kindness and support on this wonderful journey makes it even that more enjoyable.

Enjoy it and remember: we are all on a “constant” journey of growth.

We are making sense of this world (especially during these times) and sharing your ideas, thoughts and advice helps to make sense a little bit more.

So what are the 3 things I’ve learned since starting to blog?

1. Blogging can be fun – stick with it, comment on other blogs, even just a little comment or like for that extra bit of encouragement and support for others.

2. Read up on blogging tips/advice: it helps. If like me it’s a hobby and a way to connect with fellow bloggers/writers, then don’t be putting too much pressure on yourself for having loads of followers. Just enjoy it and it’s great for brushing up on your writing skills too.

3. Use the tagging option in post settings, so your post can reach the bloggers you want to reach, and to share your stories/poetry/inspiration – whatever your niche is. Don’t focus too much on niche at the start, that will come and enjoy the process.

Blogging is full of encouragement, like minded and real people (non of this perfect social media portrayed life) when you read the material that suits ‘you’ that is.

Yes, there are times when it can feel overwhelming, and when it does, then take a little step back, recharge those batteries as your blog will “always” be there. Read up on blogging tips and remember “you have to crawl before you walk”. Something I’ve been learning more about lately. Try not to be too hard on yourself and take each step bit by bit.

So what tips do you have when starting out blogging and how has your blogging experience been so far?

Thank you for stopping by, happy blogging and be kind to yourself and others.

Have a lovely day ❤🙏

Categories
wellbeing

Some days are harder than others during a pandemic. Thats ok… You’ve got this, and beauty is around you!

Some days you think “I’ve got the hang of this new lockdown way of life”, then others you think its difficult. Missing your family, friends, a fun day out, and even a trip to the hairdressers (goodness, my roots are very ashen looking these days!) All the things you take for granted. Going out for a good blast of fresh air to blow off those cobwebs – really helps your soul. I love going for a walk, soaking up the outdoors and snapping a few beautiful nature pics along the way.



Here in England, all non essential shops are re-opening soon and outdoor dining – so it will make it that bit easier and hopefully avoid another spike in cases – lets remain focussed & optimistic

Breathe in that fresh air, notice all that beauty that surrounds you and go with each day as it comes. This is new to you and I, but we’re riding this storm together, learning and growing each day and have been for over a year now. Days filled with hope are here, now a vaccine is well and truly rolling out.


©️ Bernie Egerton connectwithpoetry.com

Sitting in the garden with a hot cuppa, a stroll in the park while the sun is shining and watching your family playing together: the simple little precious mindful moments that make a challenging time seem so much brighter. Focussing on whatever those ‘special’ things are, that make all the difference in ‘your’ life.

Be kind to yourself and be gentle to yourself. There is so much love and hope surrounding you during a time, when some days it really does feel like that light is harder to grasp. Some days are challenging, and thats ok. Focus on what gives ‘you’ joy.


©️ Bernie Egerton connectwithpoetry.com

Heres to the light at the end of that long pandemic tunnel getting closer each day.

Stay safe, keep smiling and keep writing!

What gets ‘you’ through these times of uncertainty? ❤


Categories
motivation

If Life Throws You Lemons..Bite Them! Leave the Lemonade Aside For Now!

So as the famous saying goes (no need to repeat it, as you know it quite well!!) I started saying it to my husband one day when this lockdown malarkey was losing its novelty. He quickly turned around, stopped me in my tracks, and as calm as you like said “bite the f*****s”😬🍋!! Well. It fairly brought me down from my unicorn clouds with a bang (will leave them to my two little girls)

Now, I’m not saying its a great motto to stick by. Sometimes ‘you’ just have to ‘bite’ those tangy, yellow oval fruits and see where those sour pulps and pips end up!

During Covid (I know) you find yourself at times giving the inspiration a little nudge and are like “pass me the gin”🍸. Lemons are great companions along with whatever tipple ‘you’ enjoy (In moderation, especially when you’re a mummy, otherwise, being Irish you’d drink the bottle).

Sometimes you just have to turn daunting situations into ‘humour’, to work through those sour pimpled bad boys. Until you work with them, slice them and put them into a glass of whatever gets you through those days,  when all you want to do is have a good old cry and a gin..

So…

When life throws

you lemons…

Bite them!

Connectwithpoetry.com
Categories
Humour

A Lighthearted Spin on a Covid-19 Home Testing Kit!

Now, If anyone had told you this time last year that sticking a gigantic cotton bud up your nose, and swirling it around your tonsils was the new normal; you wouldn’t believe it and would’ve laughed your head off! Well here I am, giving a detailed account through an instruction type poem of my experience (overall it wasn’t that bad) of such a test. We all need a bit of lightheartedness right now!


Pilot Home Testing Kit

Covid-19 test arrives in the post.

Contents:
Instructions pamphlet (here we go)
DIY flat cardboard box the size of an Ipad.
Small clear plastic bag and a slightly larger bio hazard bag (scary)
Swab (a gigantic cotton bud, note to self – DO NOT insert into ear)
Pretty lilac cap test tube with saline solution and barcode (so cute)
Security label.

Test:
I wash my hands thoroughly for 20 seconds as instructed.
I unwrap and place the gigantic cotton bud swab into the back of my throat (thrilling)
Rub each tonsil 5 times (as instructed, trying so hard not to gag of course).
Best bit to come…
I Place the gigantic cotton bud swab into nostril and twist while
going as far up as I Can (lovely)
Test over.
Relief.
I sneeze about twenty thousand times before washing my hands yet again!

Final part:
Unscrew pretty lilac cap, place swab into tube with clear solution –
while snapping end off (as instructed, just so you know)
Place into clear plastic bag, seal, then place into scary bio hazard bag.


Register barcode online to register your name and details (why of course)
Fiddle about assembling the small cardboard box while flustered/annoyed. Place bag with pretty lilac cap test tube, and swab into box (while flustered/annoyed after assembling).
Attach security label and seal with a kiss (maybe not)
Skip to the nearest priority post box, and post.

Two days later I receive a text:
“Your test result is negative” (Woo hoo)
“You did not have the virus when test was done” (oh ok)
Pilot home testing kit complete.
Great –
I will not be included as a daily figure stat.
I cough –
Oh no…

(A mummy trying to stay sane
during a global pandemic!)


Categories
personal development

Kids Return to School, No More Homeschooling. And, a Poem Thrown Into the Mix!

So, here in England the kids went back to school on Monday.
Parents all over were delighted – no more home schooling and toddlers (and parents) climbing the walls. So that’s a good thing, right?

Well, here’s the thing, does this mean another spike in cases (again) In a time of uncertainty and constantly treading water? It’s inevitable to feel a little nervous about what lies ahead in the coming weeks. But, we’ll get there in the end with this awful virus, as hope is there, now a vaccine is well and truly here.

Until then, you keep the creativity flowing or whatever helps you through these waves! We’re all riding these choppy, choppy seas together.


Poem:

Background:

I wrote the following free verse poem during this third lockdown, when my little lady was missing her friends in Nursery. She donned her adorable princess dress at the time. She’s delighted to be back & lets hope it stays that way.

Very Soon Princess

‘Mummy can I see my friends’? My 3-Year-old asks.
A crown resting upon those long golden Locks.
Oversized transparent princess
Glitter shoes on her tiny size 6 feet.
Toes creeping over the top;
Touching the grey carpeted floor.

She dances, heels bereft from clicking With other tiny feet –
Swirling like an angel in her blue and Lavender dotted jewelled Elsa dress.

My youngest flips pages of her Peppa Pig Book, sitting on the floor squealing, the High pitch
Leaves a ringing in my ears!

Very soon princess

Waiting for that day
Swirling lockdown princess
Swirling with her
Swirly playful friends.

Categories
motivation

A Limerick to Spur You on & how we Miss our Family & Friends

Limerick

Together we’re witty & wild
Loving our true inner child
Connections so strong
Oh its been too long
And that’s just putting it mild!!


Oh you do miss the banter (as we say in Ireland) with great friends and family. Its hard in lockdown – with all the restrictions in place and family/friends being spread out in different countries. But, all the funny moments and the memories are precious – making the much needed hug when all this is over, even more special!! A drink of choice over a video call will have to do for now, but thats ok.


Family and friends

Tea with milk

The perfect blend

-connectwithpoetry.com