So as the famous saying goes (no need to repeat it, as you know it quite well!!) I started saying it to my husband one day when this lockdown malarkey was losing its novelty. He quickly turned around, stopped me in my tracks, and as calm as you like said “bite the f*****s”😬🍋!! Well. It fairly brought me down from my unicorn clouds with a bang (will leave them to my two little girls)
Now, I’m not saying its a great motto to stick by. Sometimes ‘you’ just have to ‘bite’ those tangy, yellow oval fruits and see where those sour pulps and pips end up!
During Covid (I know) you find yourself at times giving the inspiration a little nudge and are like “pass me the gin”🍸. Lemons are great companions along with whatever tipple ‘you’ enjoy (In moderation, especially when you’re a mummy, otherwise, being Irish you’d drink the bottle).
Sometimes you just have to turn daunting situations into ‘humour’, to work through those sour pimpled bad boys. Until you work with them, slice them and put them into a glass of whatever gets you through those days, when all you want to do is have a good old cry and a gin..
When life throws
Now, If anyone had told you this time last year that sticking a gigantic cotton bud up your nose, and swirling it around your tonsils was the new normal; you would’nt believe it and would’ve laughed it off! Well here I am, giving a detailed account through an instruction type poem of my experience (overall it wasnt that bad) of such a test. We all need a bit of lightheartedness right now!
Pilot Home Testing Kit
Covid-19 test arrives in the post.
Instructions pamphlet (here we go)
DIY flat cardboard box the size of an Ipad.
Small clear plastic bag and a slightly larger bio hazard bag (scary)
Swab (a gigantic cotton bud, note to self – DO NOT insert into ear)
Pretty lilac cap test tube with saline solution and barcode (so cute)
I wash my hands thoroughly for 20 seconds as instructed.
I unwrap and place the gigantic cotton bud swab into the back of my throat (thrilling)
Rub each tonsil 5 times (as instructed, trying so hard not to gag of course).
Best bit to come…
I Place the gigantic cotton bud swab into nostril and twist while
going as far up as I Can (lovely)
I sneeze about twenty thousand times before washing my hands yet again!
Unscrew pretty lilac cap, place swab into tube with clear solution –
while snapping end off (as instructed, just so you know)
Place into clear plastic bag, seal, then place into scary bio hazard bag.
Register barcode online to register your name and details (why of course)
Fiddle about assembling the small cardboard box while flustered/annoyed. Place bag with pretty lilac cap test tube, and swab into box (while flustered/annoyed after assembling).
Attach security label and seal with a kiss (maybe not)
Skip to the nearest priority post box, and post.
Two days later I receive a text:
“Your test result is negative” (Woo hoo)
“You did not have the virus when test was done” (oh ok)
Pilot home testing kit complete.
I will not be included as a daily figure stat.
I cough –
(A mummy trying to stay sane
during a global pandemic!)